Category Archives: Sarah’s Story

Social Writer Paradox

Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mpclemens/2610633533/sizes/m/in/photostream/

Recently I’ve heard a few people use the term “social writer,” as in, “I’m a social writer: I work best when collaborating with other writers.”

Now, I love people. I especially love creative people because they challenge me to grow my own work. But I have always thought of myself as an introvert. Over time I have learned how to open my mouth and talk. I have learned how to hang onto myself in a crowd and I think I can even put others at ease when I am at my best. But at the end of the day, I want to be alone or, at the most, with my small family. I like the quiet. I need time to mull over all the noise, emotional and otherwise, that comes with relating to other humans. It helps me make sense of the static of my own reactions.

I never even thought of any such thing as a social writer until I heard enough people say it that I realized it’s a real thing. I knew people collaborated; one of my favorite examples of this is Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchet. In fact, Gaimen collaborates all the time, but usually with artists or film makers. I’ve done my share of collaborating as a visual artist: several of my mural projects, most of my art shows, and all the art events I’ve organized have been collaborations. Right now I’m collaborating with HD Counseling to develop artwork that helps people tap into their own stories.

I could say I’ve never done collaborative writing projects. But this would not be true, not if I count the good-night games I sometimes play with my daughter Zoie: she writes a sentence, then I write one, and we pass the paper back and forth until we have a story. Or we roll the story dice and take turns building impromptu narratives. And there is that collaborative poem that my professor had us write at the end of fall semester. “Shelf Life.” That was my poem. I had been thinking of the title for about a week, and then Russ wanted us to write the title and first line of a poem. We passed each one around the room until we got our own back with the authority to pen the last line. The finished piece communicated exactly the sensibilities I had wanted to put down, even though I wrote only two lines of it.

Being in grad school is making me more aware of my own habits. My best writing, so far, still comes from sitting alone and slogging it out, word by word. But that is only half of the practice. If I just sit alone and slog it out, I lose momentum. I learned while writing Sarah’s story that the weekly reactions of some dear friends energized me and propelled the progress of the novel. As a student, I value my workshop classes, but they aren’t enough to push the work forward at the kind of exciting clip that weekly readings can do for me. In a four-month period, we only workshop two or three times. With longer works like mine, this functions more for the course grade than to serve the work as a whole.

Now that summer has hit, a few other writers and I have started a workshop for long pieces: novels, memoirs, and graphic narratives. I am finding that energy all over again. I am so excited about working on Adelle’s story after getting reactions from the group. I’m equally excited about being a part of their processes. It’s different from class; we are writing because we are writers. We are meeting because we need each other. It is not for a grade and it is not because attendance is required. It’s because we feed each other as artists. As much as I need to sit alone to work, I am finding I need community in equal measure. I am learning to redefine myself. I need time alone as a person, but my work suffers from too much of it. I am a subbreed of the social writer class: I work best when in community with other writers.


Flashing through Revisions

Photo credit:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/uncle_jerry/162852753/

In my Form and Theory of Creative Writing class, my professor, Jamie Poissant, required us to write a flash fiction piece. I write a lot of very short nonfiction, but I have a terrible time with short stories and have never felt successful about one that I’ve written. It takes me too long to get to know the characters and what it is I am actually writing about. Novels work much better for me. Out of the six courses I’ve taken since starting grad school, this assignment has scared me the most.

In order to prepare for it, Jamie had us read Flash Fiction Forward: 80 Very Short Stories, edited by James Thomas and Benjamin Rosenbaum. In the intro, they talk about how a flash fiction piece should, like a poem, cover a topic of much gravity in order to balance the compact nature of the form. As I read through the selections, I found the ones that resonated most with me involved characters that the authors knew so well they were able to select one or two phrases that encapsulated the entirety of the character. I realized that this is why short nonfiction works for me: when I write about a moment in my own life, I can see its significance in connection to the whole arc of my life so far, and so it is not such a stretch to make the moment a snapshot of the full arc.

And now… drum roll… I feel like I’ve had an amazing breakthrough for my revision process for my novels! Instead of starting my flash fiction assignment with thin air and characters I’ve only just met, I decided to work with characters from an earlier novel who just aren’t living up to their full, well-rounded expectations in the long project.  This way, I could know my story arc well enough to try to give the flash piece enough gravity. At the same time, the flash would give me a chance to really explore characters who have been giving me trouble in the revisions. The assignment became like the amazing flash of lightning in the photo above: one instantaneous streak of light, there for only a moment, but powerful enough to illuminate the entire skyscape that had been mostly hidden before. I am so excited to be getting to know my characters in this new way. Now I plan to use this method as an entry point to revising the novel. I’m even toying with the idea of writing flashes for many of the moments in the novel to see if I can create a more successful end product by incorporating some of them.

We workshop the flashes tomorrow night. Right now I’m still a little insecure about the piece because it’s the first flash fiction I’ve written, and because my characters are Orthodox Jews, and I am not. I am not Jewish at all, and one of my biggest challenges has been entering a culture that is not mine to write effectively and respectfully while still using dynamic, well-rounded characters. In the flash, it’s less intimidating to do the research because it’s one moment instead of a whole life.

After workshop, and after I’ve had a chance to do some revisions, I have decided to go ahead and take the risk of posting the flash here on my blog. I worked very hard to represent the situation accurately, but if you have more experience than I do with Orthodox Judaism, please look for my flash in the next couple days–by Friday night at the latest–and give me some feedback. I would really appreciate any insights you can offer. I will treat that blog post as a workshop experience, so don’t be afraid to tell me the good, the bad, and the ugly. I think this may be the most productive approach to revising the novel of any that I’ve found so far, and I need your help. I can’t wait to hear what you have to say!


What is it about fiction?

photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/nicholasjones/5032232903/sizes/m/in/photostream/

This semester I am taking two classes and an independent study. One class is Form and Theory in Fiction. The other is a mostly nonfiction workshop that includes an unusually heavy reading load for that sort of course, making it a hybrid of student critique and Form and Theory in Nonfiction.

Each week I’ve read a novel and a memoir as a result. It’s had me thinking lately about the difference between truth in fiction and truth in nonfiction.

I’m not referring to facts. In both of these genres, the facts are incidental: present only to reveal a greater truth. In nonfiction, the facts are more important because they are the bridge that carries the reader to the truth as the writer discovers it for herself. Discovering a betrayal of facts in creative nonfiction can make the reader feel betrayed and corrupt the greater truth at the core of the work. But in my mind the facts remain separate from the truth.

I like memoirs. My favorites are The Color of Water by James McBride and Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott. But I don’t write memoir. Here and there I will write a short–very short–personal essay, and that’s the extent of it.

So I’ve been asking myself: as a writer, what is it about fiction that gets me to the truth more effectively than nonfiction? Why do I have this affinity toward novels? When I examine my reading habits, I tend to choose just as many memoirs and biographies as novels. Why not write them?

The answer for me is pretty psychotherapeutic so far. It turns out that my novels have become vehicles for me to discover or work through a circumstance in my present life that I cannot get at in any other way. Here’s what I mean. Memoirs sift through the past, memories and events and histories, to make sense of a life. My novels, although they are about fictional characters, often reveal or parallel a circumstance in my present life that I had not realized existed before writing it.

Sarah, the protagonist narrator of the novel I am revising, is a young artist growing up in an iconoclastic Calvinist church and trying to navigate dating. Her encounters with experimental characters from the art community collide with her spiritual search for truth and get mucked up in her hormones and emotions. In this, we begin with similar circumstances. But otherwise, Sarah is not me. She has a different family and economic background, different friends and romances, a different developing career, different travels… and, the biggest and most important difference between us is that Sarah has different demons than I do. She completely surprised me halfway through the story by developing an addiction to alcohol. This is one of my biggest revision problems, as alcoholism can become a dangerous cliche in fiction. When I wrote her the first time around, I had no understanding of the disease. I finished the first draft in 2007.

Two years later, while working on revisions, I became aware that a member of my immediate family was an alcoholic. This had been true the whole time I was writing, but my only knowledge of the addiction was the lying, vomitting, violent steriotype in movies. Those extremes make it hard to recognize when you’re living with a milder, more functional version. I have since learned that having a family member with alcoholism almost always results in the nonalcoholic sharing a measure of the disease. I am not much of a drinker, but since 2009 I have been working prodigiously to find the balance between helping people and enabling them. I have been learning not to cover others’ mistakes or fulfill their responsibilities. I have been practicing the art of transparency: working against my instinct to hide information that might upset someone, against my instinct to hide my own needs to avoid conflict. I may not be an alcoholic, but I certainly have my own share of sickness. After putting Sarah away for a couple years, revising her now with new eyes is quite an experience.

Adelle’s story, my current project, deals with memories. I have to be careful about this because I try not to talk much about what I have not yet finished, but in general Adelle’s brain builds walls that trap her memories. She has learned to cope by creating systems to help her move through her daily life, keeps her condition hidden from coworkers, and avoids intimate friendships.

I began writing Adelle’s story in August last year. Three weeks ago, my doctor ordered an MRI that revealed lesions on my brain. I am now going through a battery of secondary tests to find some answers. The neurologist has given me some ideas about what it could be, but I have no official diagnosis right now.

In the wake of this information, doctors have asked a lot of questions that have made me aware of just how precarious my own mind and memory have become. Like Adelle, I can usually remember academic information fairly well. I can remember enough of it, at least, to participate meaningfully in class and sidestep the bits that have gotten lost in the fog. But I have also been forced to see all the systems I have in place as a safety net for my memory. I’ve been driving kids to school and picking them up since 2000, and never once forgot one. But in 2011, I began needing to set my alarm on a daily basis so that I would remember. I have post-its everywhere. I never used them before six months ago. I keep a notebook with me so that if I remember an obligation in the middle of writing or some other task, I can write it down and review the list when I’m done. Otherwise I feel compelled to get up right away and accomplish it because of the danger that I will forget about it until it is too late. I prepare my things for class at least an hour before I have to leave so that I don’t forget materials, but it’s common for me to have to go back to the house up to five times to get things I’ve left behind. My binders are color coded and include professors’ names, class meeting times, and room numbers because sometimes, even months into a semester, I get to campus and forget where I am supposed to go.

So this is what it is about fiction. Even if I think I’m creating a world for a character only a little like me, or not like me at all, ultimately they seem to become prophetic. They don’t tell me my future. They tell my my present. They tell me what I refuse to see otherwise. As a person who spent much of her life hiding truths–one of those secondary alcoholic habits I developed–I think it is just easier for me to work my way to where I am through someone else’s life. It’s less threatening somehow.


Love Story Keep Kill

Parisian Love Lock. “People place their love locks all over the pont des arts pedestrian bridge which crosses the seine. Because they think they’re in love. Silly kids.” –thezartorialist.com, flickr

The closest thing I’ve got to a love story is my novel about Sarah Wade.

I didn’t set out to write a love story, and so much of the time it isn’t one. It’s not really about a relationship with The One, for Sarah or any of the young men in her life (in spite of what a few readers of my early drafts have seen). But because the story traces Sarah through her adolescence, she encounters a broad spectrum of awkward crushes, unwanted affections, and unrequited love which help her define herself. She seems an appropriate character for a Valentine’s Day blog post.

Of all my characters, I share the most history with Sarah. She works through art, church, and sex with some of the same beginnings as I did, but ends up in a very different place, one that contradicts my own experience in many ways. I believe it’s our similar beginnings that have made her story so hard to revise all these years. I think I am not alone in this: when we write a character too close to ourselves, we are in danger of wanting to protect them from all that the novel must bring. I know I pushed her in a direction she wasn’t necessarily supposed to go for my own gratification. One result of that push is that I learned some things about her that I would not have if I’d let her go the way she wanted. Still, the truth remains. She is the character, not I, and until she goes the way she wants to, instead of the way I want her to, her story will be wrong, off, unbalanced.

Sarah is the reason I began grad school. I hoped I would learn some strategies for revising a novel. As it turns out, my hopes were a little unrealistic. In the scope of a four-month class where each student needs equal workshop time, the most I can expect to revise is a couple chapters here and there. A a full-scale revision for something the size of a novel just isn’t addressed. So I am using this blog to try to work it out instead.

Today I’m sitting down with Sarah to try again to untangle her web and restitch it in the right places. I think I am getting closer. Here’s what I’m doing:

*About a month ago, after a long time away from the current draft, I sat down and wrote out the themes most important to Sarah’s story. I then went through the novel page by page and made notes for which characters, scenes, and chapters spoke to those themes and which ones did not. I made a chapter-by-chapter Keep/Kill list of what will stay and what will go for every chapter.

*Today I am creating binders for the pages that have writing I plan to keep and/or rework. I am using my notes from a month ago, reevaluating them as I go. I am not throwing away any of the kill pages, just storing them in a separate binder. Physically separating the keep from the kill will show me (I hope) where the gaps are and also help me to get a better idea for how to rework the keep pages.

*After separating the keep from the kill, I will write out a story inventory listing each scene that remains so I can get a quick overview of the entire project. Chances are good that Post-it notes will play a big role in this process so that I can move events around and fill in gaps with notes for new writing.

I have some ideas of where I will go from here, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself. This is the first time I have tried this approach, and it may change as I go. If you are writing a longer work, or have written a longer work, I would love to hear any revision strategies you have used. If you are as lost as I have been, I hope that some of my ideas help you develop strategies of your own. So there’s the real love story: as writers, we’ve got to have each other’s backs. Happy Valentine’s Day.


Habits

The last time I started a novel, I didn’t know I was starting one.

The same memory of skin-crawling embarrassment kept snaking its way into my thoughts. At first, it was here and there. Then it became weekly. Finally, nearly ever day my teenaged self in all her ridiculous glory would materialize in my mind and I could feel myself go red with humiliation all over again.

The harder I pushed against it, the stronger the memory became, detail after excruciating detail. Finally, I stopped trying to push it away and, pardon the metaphor, decided to push it through. I sat down and wrote the whole thing out, about four pages. But the writing didn’t stop when the memory did. After about three chapters, a wonderful group of women who read and critiqued for me asked how long it would be. By then I knew it was no short story or personal essay. Maybe a novella, I said, about 100, 150 pages.

I finally stopped two years later at about 450.

The project has some wonderful moments in it, but all in all it will take some pretty invasive surgery to get it where it needs to go. Still, it was the most successful writing process I’d ever used.

All the books on writing will tell you that you have to have a routine; you should start at the same time every day no matter what and write until the same time every day no matter what. Don’t be afraid of crappy writing, they say. Don’t worry if you get only one good sentence out of it. You must show up first. Then, inspiration will know where to find you when she’s ready for you.

That’s all fine advice, but it helped a lot that I wasn’t trying to follow it. I didn’t know I was writing a novel until I was writing a novel. I just sat down to work on it because I could not stand to let the story live in my head any more. One horribly embarrassing version of myself gave way to another and another until I was writing fictitious versions of myself that felt as real as any stupid thing I ever did. Did I write at the same time every day? Absolutely not. I had a toddler with behavior problems when I started the project, and a tumultuous marriage that made any sort of routine a parody of its own goal. Did I write every day? I did, almost without exception, until chapter 9, when I encountered a character like no one I’ve ever known in my life. She was small but pivotal to the story, and I could not even make her talk because I had no idea what a woman like her would say, or how she would say it, but it had to be life-changing for my protagonist.

I went a month without adding words to the novel. Instead, I nosed around the internet for photos of women who looked like my character and spent a lot of time at my desk staring into space. I would not call it thinking so much as listening. I was letting the woman take form and watching as it happened. I watched her with her own children, her work, her convictions. I watched her move through different scenarios that would never show up in the book. I took time to get to know her, like you would with a new friend, and did not worry that I was not physically writing.

About a month later, when I was better acquainted with this dynamic woman, I sat down to write the chapter and it all came out in one sitting.

Now, as I work on Adelle’s story, my current project, I know I am writing a novel. I knew from the beginning. My daughter’s behavioral issues have long since resolved, and I have the most supportive partner any creative person could want. Routines are a little easier to keep because everyone around me has a pretty static schedule during the school year.

But my definition of the word writing had expanded. Writing is no longer limited to setting down words in a story. It might be staring into space, or cleaning the toilet, or doing the dishes, while watching my characters move through the chambers of my mind so I can get to know them. It might be reading the kinds of books they would read, sketching spaces they inhabit, creating checklists of things that need to occur in a chapter, or even painting a portion of the story so that I can see it better myself.

These are my habits. They are very nearly daily. They may change with every project, or every chapter, depending on what the work needs. And that’s ok. Writing habits should be like an old pair of favorite jeans. Each of us needs to break in the routines and walk around in them long enough that they fit us instead of the other way around.


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